Sunday, April 26, 2009

Metal Magazine Review Pt. 4 of 4: Terrorizer: Limey Bastards

Finally, the last issue in this series. Terrorizer is a British magazine like Metal Hammer. Unlike Metal Hammer, Terrorizer doesn't suck. It's expensive though. $10.00 per issue here in the states. Let's see if it's worth it.

2 Free CDs +25: Holy shit. Two free CDs? I am there. The first disc is a sampler disc of some new or upcoming releases. There's some good shit on here: Samael, Svarrtjern, Tribulation, Mantic Ritual. There's also some crap, I am not at all impressed with Spoonful of Vicodin. The second disc is a collection of unsigned bands. Again, some decent, some bad, but the problem with this disc is that nothing truly stands out.

Cannibal Corpse cover +5: Let me state for the record that Cannibal Corpse is a mainstream band. They are not highly accessible, but they are mainstream. Everyone, even people who don't listen to metal, has heard of them. Terrorizer gets points for having a true metal band on the cover, but it is not like Metal Maniacs who has had on its final two covers Kreator and Absu.

Deaf Metal -1: This is another of those lists that the contributors list what they are listening to lately. There's some awful stuff here: Adam Ant (really? Who the fuck listens to Adam Ant?), Botch, Today is the Day, Psyopus, and Iwrestledabearonce. I am concerned about the contributors.

Choice Cuts +10: Rather than go through individually all the bands they profile, I will just give a combined score for having Tribulation, Isole, Gravedigger, Legion of the Damned, Ironsword, Eibon, and more.

Cannibal Corpse article +5: Nice, long article on a misunderstood band. Cannibal Corpse's lyrics are violent, but they are not violent people. In fact, they're kinda nerdy. Corpsegrinder, the singer is well known for his World of Warcraft obsession. Funny band really.

Lamb of God article -2: Not because I dislike the band, I don't, I have a couple of their albums. But the English magazine shows its ignorance of American metal by proclaiming this band as Southern metal. No, just no. There's nothing SOUTHERN about them. They are a groove metal band in the same vein as Pantera. Southern metal would be Down or later Corrosion of Conformity.

Absu article +1: I love the new album and they are some bizarre people.

Grindcore article feature -15: Grindcore is not metal, it barely qualifies as music half the time, just listen to the Spoonful of Vicodin track on the sampler CD. It is an outgrowth of hardcore. I wish I could find a magazine that had the same qualifications for coverage as the Metal Archives. This article is very long too, which is why it lost so many points. This part (the first part was in last month's issue) discusses American grind and features an essential albums list. Assuck, Agoraphobic Nosebleed, Anal Cunt (one of the worst bands EVER), an Magrudergrind are all mentioned. This is tempered somewhat by the inclusion of Repulsion, Macabre, Pig Destroyer, Cattle Decapitation, and Impetigo.

Tombs article -1: A little too hipserish. Damnit.

Psyopus article -1: I mentioned in an earlier post that I hate overly technical hardcore like The Dillinger Escape Plan. Psyopus falls into this category and doesn't even have vocals. So you are bombarded by squealing guitars, blasting drums, no melody, and no remorse. It's awful.

Doro article +1: They are trying to get the metal goddess to comment on female singers in metal. I think they're trying to get her to say something controversial about some of these, but she doesn't seem to bite. It would be more entertaining if she did though. I'll come right out and say something though: Vixen fucking blows. Their only fucking hit was written by Richard Marx. Richard FUCKING Marx.

Reviews: Same story here:
Cobalt (positive) -1: Early stuff was good, they are now getting too much shoegaze elements. Beard metal.
Behemoth (negative) -1: Really? Sure it's a cash grab, but it's Behemoth.
Hammerfall (positive) +1: True metal never dies.
God Forbid (positive) +1 Good album, good group, and they're going to be the next huge American metal band.
Isole (positive) +1: Good doom metal band from Sweden.
Wolf (positive) +1: See Hammerfall.
Tombs (positive) -1: See above mentioned article.
Psyopus (positice) -1: See above mentioned article.

Choose Your Weapon -1: I don't give a shit about the Slipknot guitarist talking about his instrument.

Dark Recollection King Diamond: Abigail +2: Great album by a great band. Highly underrated and creepy as hell.

Blast from the Past: Autopsy: Severed Survival +1: Could have gotten more points here, but what's the point in doing an article looking back on a great album when you pick one that has been all over magazines (hell, fucking Revolver had a blurb) for being reissued lately? Oddly, I recently bought the earlier reissue of this album, plus the 7" vinyl release released this year. The new reissue has all of that stuff on it. Ah well.

So that's it, how did Terrorizer do? They scored a +29 putting them in the lead. They would have scored higher had the fucking grindcore feature not been so goddamn long. I guess that won't be a regular addition though. Terrorizer appears to be the most likely magazine for me to subscribe to. It's fucking expensive though, but hey I can get a free CD if I subscribe. They give the choice of six different CDs, but I have four of them and the other two don't interest me as much. Maybe I'll wait and see if anything new pops up.

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