Howls of Ebb: Cursus Impasse: The Pendlomic Vows (2016)

No, I do not have a clue what the hell that title is all about.  I feel like there should have been required reading before picking up this album.  A google search for "pendlomic vows" only turns up stuff about this album.  So, no clue what is going on here.  What I do know is that the album cover is awesome and that was enough to convince me to give it a chance.

This album is creepy as fuck and almost indescribable.  I suppose it probably falls within the umbrella of blackened death metal, but that description is a massive oversimplification.  Howls of Ebb is much more experimental, to the point that it is difficult to tell if these songs were written or were improvised by members on some heavy hallucinogenic substances and/or the influence of dark forces the likes of which we cannot begin to comprehend.  There is some clear influence from such bizarre-sounding bands like Ulcerate, Portal and Ordo ad Chao-era Mayhem, but that too fails to truly capture the very unique and absolutely terrifying sound that Howls of Ebb have crafted.  I cannot even begin to describe the way the band sounds, it is just so unsettling.  There is no real structure to the songs, oftentimes the instruments are playing wholly disparate musical ideas.  The "lyrics" too seem out of place and do not hardly sound like real words.

Think of what the soundtrack to your worst nightmare is.  This is worse.  This is truly nightmarish music.  It captures perfectly what it would sound like to be pursued by some otherworldly eldritch monstrosity.  If this was playing in a dark room at night, I doubt anyone would ever fall asleep again.

This is one of the creepiest albums I have ever heard.  It is absolutely worth listening to.  The more I listen to it, the more I hear.  It really is an album that has to be experienced listening to headphones to truly capture all of the crazy shit that is happening.  It is a grower and sounds better each time I listen to it.  I have not gotten up the courage to listen to it in the dark though.

2011 Revolver Golden Gods

I suppose I will comment on this thing, even though it is currently sitting on my head and crushing it. I want to spread the misfortune. So, the Revolver Golden Gods were held yesterday, and yes it was just as much of a complete clusterfuck as usual. This year apparently Avenged Sevenfold was the only band that mattered, winning best guitarists, best drummer (for Mike Portnoy who is only tangentially involved with A7X), best vocalist, and Album of the Year. Wow. What terrible shitty taste.

Other than that we had Black Veil Brides win Best New Artist. I decided to check them out and was disgusted by the blend of metalcore and glam rock. That's seriously like vomiting on a pile of shit. Sorry for the disgusting image, but I think it's apt. Murderdolls won Comeback of the Year somehow, even though they were never really taken seriously to begin with.

Oh, and Album of the Year is sponsored by Affliction. Yep, that about sums it up.

EDIT: I have been informed that Taylor Momsen is only 17 years old. In which case I renounce my earlier statement and say that I am a little creeped out by my earlier statement. If you did not see it, that's probably better that way.

The Metal March Madness Winner is...

All Shall Perish.

I can't...just...but...there are no words.

"Mayhem on a Cross" (Bones Episode): Is this What the Mainstream Thinks of Us?

I realize that this is a rerun, but I saw it for the first time on Sunday night. Bones, for those that don't know, is a show about a forensic scientist investigating the deaths of a variety of people. In this particular episode, the victim is a skeleton used as a stage prop by a so-called Norwegian black metal band, apparently somewhat influenced by King Diamond's use of "Melissa", the name given to a skull he used as a prop to tell a story back in his Mercyful Fate days. The victim's name is Mayhem, obviously a reference to the Norwegian black metal band.

We also have a death metal band wearing corpsepaint in the episode, as well as a deathcore band. The music is mostly provided by groove metal band Droid, so don't get your hopes up too high. There is no black or death metal in this episode. But, that's not really why I am writing about this.

The death metal band under investigation in the U.S. for the murder of Mayhem apparently does not play at bars. Their concerts are typically held in slaughterhouses. The band members possess names such as Pinworm and Grinder and even give the investigating team a tip that a deathcore band may be behind the killing, and vocalize their contempt for the genre. Then at another black metal show, the lead singer slits his own throat, which was supposed to have been staged but someone switched the prop knife. One of the investigators has inside knowledge of the scene and professes to have once been a fan of death metal, but grew out of it. One of his theories is that someone killed the victim because he was attempting to leave the scene, viewing death metal as some sort of all-consuming cult. He also believed the killer would have kept a souvenir from the murder. Of course throughout the show, we are treated to random snide comments about metal not being music and metalheads being incredibly violent and offensive.

Obviously, this is meant to be entertainment and not to be taken as an indictment of the scene in general, but I have to ask, does the mainstream really view underground black and death metal as ultra-violent, dark sadistic psychopaths? Obviously there is a social stigma attached to us metalheads. This show really did nothing to dissuade that stigma, there was not one sympathetic metalhead character, unless you count the victim.

Quick Update on the March Metal Madness Abortion

Link.

Your Final Four are Between the Buried and Me, All Shall Perish, Carnifex, and Born of Osiris. Wow, just wow.

WTF?: March Metal Madness

Anyone seen this wreck?

The short story is that Thrash Magazine is doing a bracket for metal bands made up of the following labels: Metal Blade, Nuclear Blast, Victory, and Sumerian. I am not sure of Thrash Magazine's audience, but we have had some odd results from this.

My list of complaints are as follows:

1. I do not understand the presence of Victory and Sumerian on this thing. Victory is more of a hardcore label and Sumerian is a niche label focusing on technical and progressive styles of metal and hardcore. Why not use Relapse and Century Media or some better-known labels? Metal Blade and Nuclear Blast are fine.

2. Just look at some of the results. Whitechapel over Cannibal Corpse, All Shall Perish over Kataklysm, As I Lay Dying over Behemoth, etc.

3. Amon Amarth is in serious jeopardy of being eliminated by Whitechapel.

So there you have it. March Metal Madness.

Odd Career Turns: Samael

Lots of metal bands have had some bizarre changes in their sound over the years. Obviously there are groups like Metallica and Megadeth who began experimenting with a modern rock sound, but there are other less obvious bands as well.

The Swiss black metal band Samael formed sometime between the first and second waves of black metal. They began releasing full-length albums around the time Mayhem, Darkthrone, and others were beginning to be discovered. Samael's early albums were similar in sound to the Norwegian black metal sound and were generally well-received.

However, Samael was constantly evolving their sound. They were adding more and more industrial influences to their music. Potentially influenced by such acts as Nine Inch Nails or Ministry, the band's sound was morphing into something else entirely.

By the early 2000's Samael had fully emerged into an industrial metal band. But yet, they did it reasonably well. Their industrial albums were well-regarded as well. Obviously not by many of the same people who love their early black metal output, but Samael gained new fans and did not completely embarrass themselves by trying a new style.

Then, Samael released Above in 2009 and faster than they changed into an industrial metal band, they were back to being a black metal band.

I happen to enjoy both incarnations of Samael. But not many bands can claim they got in when black metal was big, changed to industrial metal, and then back to black metal, all without missing a beat.

Funny Youtube Video

Okay, well Australia (or New Zealand, sources differ) is getting in on the act, showing death metal to young kids. I'm not making any comment about the quality, just pointing it out.

Funny Youtube Video: Hevisaurus

I was too old when Barney the Purple Dinosaur came out. Still, this has to be a significant improvement. This is Finnish children's act Hevisaurus, and yes they play heavy metal. What a weird world we live in.

Blind Buy Surprise Albums: (Dis)Honorable Mentions

I recently did a series of albums that I picked up blindly that were huge successes. Those albums became some of my favorites and I had no idea what I was getting myself into by getting them. Well, sometimes things don't work out that way. Every once in awhile, I will buy an album with some level of expectation that then goes horribly, horribly awry. This post will look at two of those collossal mistakes.

When I used to listen to a lot of styles of hard rock (for the last several years I have been limited to metal) I would occasionally buy an album that was for the most part pretty wretched. Particularly in the nu-metal subgenre. Since I have been exclusively into metal for a few years, there have not been too many blind buy mistakes. There has been one, one in which I thought I knew what to expect but was very wrong. Early on, there was one other one which I will address as it is related to the metal genre. Prior to that though, there were several others, bands I just don't listen to anymore so I won't cover them.

These are the metal blind buys that did not work out:

TIAMAT: A DEEPER KIND OF SLUMBERI did discuss this album early on in the formation of this blog. I owned an album by Tiamat that I got in a Century Media Grab Bag and I was spellbound by the dark atmospheric death metal of that album. I was vaguely aware that Tiamat did not really sound like that for much longer, but went in a gothic direction. However, I did not know how far they had fallen.

One day, I was in Hastings Bookstore in Kearney, Nebraska after a final divorce hearing. I was there to pick up new releases from Arch Enemy, Down, High on Fire, and Amorphis, and I also saw this reissue of the Tiamat album. Having enough cash to pick up five albums, I decided to grab it.

It wasn't until late that night that I started to listen to it. I was not pleased with what I heard. There was not an ounce of metal on the entire album. The whole thing was some ethereal dreamlike sonicscape. Gone were the dark atmospherics of the other Tiamat I knew and the harsh vocals and the crushing, malevolent riffs. In their place were just long, meandering melodies and soft vocals. I couldn't listen to a single song without falling asleep. I should say, the first song isn't terrible, but it's not any different from the bland bullshit put out by H.I.M.

The next time I was in Kearney (which was that weekend to visit my brother), I took the CD back and exchanged it for Immolation's Failures for Gods. Recently, I downloaded it to listen to it fully and see if it was as bad as I remembered. It is.

TRIBES OF NEUROT & WALKING TIME BOMBS: STATIC MIGRATIONI don't remember what the hell my thought process was in picking this thing up. I remember being in high school and going to Best Buy with a friend. We were browsing CDs just to kill some time. I remember picking up a couple of CDs, trying to find something new. I do remember having a Kyuss CD in my hand at one point. But then I saw this and realized it was on the same label as Amorphis, a band I had only recently become interested in. It also stated that it was a side project of Neurosis, a band I had heard of and knew were part of the metal/hard rock scene. So, I picked it up and bought it. Huge mistake.

It wasn't until the ride back from dropping the friend off that I listened to it, and there was NOTHING THERE. There was no music. It was just noise. Ambient albums do not interest me in the slightest. I just don't understand them. This album is no exception. It's apparently meant to be played at the same time as one of Neurosis's albums, but I can't imagine how and I don't care, quite frankly. To make matters even more confusing, Walking Time Bombs is apparently Scott Hull of Pig Destroyer and Agoraphobic Nosebleed. How did Neurosis and a member of Pig Destroyer get together to form something so awful?! This album is single-handedly the reason I have not checked out Neurosis or anything by Scott Hull. Plus, it's fucking 75 minutes long!

True testament to how bad this album is: when I was in college, my car was broken into and a lot of my CDs, my stereo, my backpack with my expensive new calculator, my tape player, and a lot of other stuff were stolen. I was out over $1,000.00 worth of stuff. A few weeks later, my backpack was found outside a college dorm and I was contacted to pick it up. All my school papers and books were there, so was my tape player thankfully, as well as some random stuff, including this CD. That's right, not even the assholes who broke into my car to steal a bunch of CDs wanted this one. Not even to sell.

The worst part about this post was actually listening to these albums once more, just to "inspire" me to write about them.

What the Hell?

So, yesterday I went to the only place in town that gets new metal releases. It's a Hastings Bookstore and it is conveniently located between my office and our house. Last week, as you may recall from my recap, new releases from Watain, Nevermore, and Nachtmystium were released. Two of those releases were by Century Media, a pretty big label for underground music. But, Hastings did not get a single one of those albums in stock. I could not believe it. Anyway, back to yesterday, I stopped in just to kill some time after the County Bar Association meeting and browsed, thinking my fiancee was still with the horses. Still no Watain, Nevermore, or Nachtmystium, but I found Warbeast. They did not get the new releases from three major bands on decent sized labels, but they get the obscure band made up of members of Rigor Mortis and Gammacide on Housecore Records, a small independent label run by Phil Anselmo with just twelve bands to its name.

I don't understand the world anymore.

Humorous Youtube Video of the Day

So apparently all metal is Satanic and the kid namedrops Metallica, Black Sabbath, and Iron Maiden. Interesting. Look, I'm not going to make fun of the kid too much. He's young and probably pretty sheltered. What I really find funny though, is if you double click on the video, it will take you to the Youtube page and you can read all the comments from people blasting this kid and trying to take him to school on metal. It's one person's opinion people. It really doesn't affect you at all. If he doesn't like metal, fine. I just think his rationale is hilarious.

This is Hilarious

http://www.westborobaptistchurch.com/written/fliers/20100520_Ronnie-James-Dio-Funeral.pdf

The Westboro Baptist Church, those nutcases that picket soldiers' funerals with signs that say "God Hates Fags" and the like, have turned their attention to the funeral of Ronnie James Dio. Can you imagine the potential carnage? These people versus a shitload of mourning metal fans?

Not that violence is necessary or even desired. These Westboro Baptist people are an annoyance, that's all. Yes, they have a right to do whatever they want as long as they're not breaking the law. Free speech, freedom of religion, and all that. Yes, this will probably piss some people off because they're not being respectful to the departed. But who cares? They're attention whores and that's all. Not content to just having their own insane little services, they think the whole world needs to hear their message. Well, more power to them for trying, but if we stopped paying attention to them, they would go away. I'll start right after ending this post.

In closing, I do hope that no one gives them any attention at Dio's funeral. R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio. I'm sure you're looking at this whole situation and smiling.

Compilations: Metallurgy

This is an album released by Metallurgy magazine, a short-lived metal/hard rock magazine in the 1990's, I think. Honestly I have no idea. I remember finding the CD at Best Buy, and it was cheap and there were a few bands I liked on it. So, I bought it. Now, I hardly ever listen to it. Many of the tracks are demos or unreleased, or live. Very few of them are really worth the purchase of the compilation. There's also a lot of crap on it.

The nice thing about it is the 192 page booklet that comes with it. It features interviews and writeups of the bands involved as well as various other stuff. There's a list of the ten heaviest albums, which features metal artists Black Sabbath, Metallica, and others as well as other artists like Public Enemy (what the fuck?). There's a look at the then-upcoming Down album as well and some humorous jabs at well-known metal musicians. The booklet probably makes the album worthwhile, but that's about it. I still have it somewhere, but I haven't seen it in a long time. Perhaps when I find it, I will take a closer look at it.

There was a second and third volume of this released. I never picked those up though because this one really wasn't all that great and I don't think I liked the bands on the other ones as well.

Here's a look at the songs:

SEPULTURA: REFUSE/RESIST (LIVE)
Well, this is the best song on the album. It's an absolutely punishing live version of one of the best songs off of the band's Chaos A.D. album. This was the first time I had heard an original Sepultura song. I was blown away and very soon after became a big fan of the band. This is a great song. I now own an EP with this same version on it.

ELEVEN PICTURES: EP TWO
I can not find much information about this band. This sounds like some sort of heavier alternative rock. Very similar to groups like Jane's Addiction, Stone Temple Pilots, and other bands. It's an okay song, just not one I'm all that interested in. Also, NFM.

GZR: DRIVE BOY, SHOOTING (DEMO)
Ah yes, the Geezer Butler project. This came at a time when Geezer Butler and Tony Iommi were having an argument over the Black Sabbath name. Geezer formed his own band to capitalize on a style he was interested in playing. This is industrial-tinged groove metal, and boy are Geezer's riffs heavy as fuck. Burton Bell of Fear Factory supplies the vocals. I picked this album up pretty much immediately after hearing this. Unfortunately GZR put out a couple more very lackluster albums after this one.

YOUNG GODS: KISSING THE SUN
Young Gods is an early industrial rock band. This is just basically some industrial sounds with vocals attached. I really did not care for this track. And this came when I was still very interested in industrial rock. NFM.

THE DAWN: SECOND SUN
This seems to be some sort of psychedelic/stoner rock. It's not too bad, it's slow-paced and very heavy. I like this stuff sometimes. They sound a little bit like Fu Manchu and Monster Magnet, groups that were becoming popular at the time. NFM though.

STANFORD PRISON EXPERIMENT: YOU'RE THE VULGARIAN
This, I don't like. This is just some hardcore band. I suppose the riffs are okay, but the vocals are horrible and I really don't like hardcore much at all. It sounds like a more hardcore version of Green Day from this time period, which will probably REALLY piss these guys off. NFM.

FAITH NO MORE: ENGOVE (CAFFEINE)
I love Faith No More, but I have no idea what the fuck this track is. This is like the slow buildup to a song that could be pretty good, but it never comes. There are no vocals, it's just the music building into nothing. At one point we have what sounds like it could be some pretty heavy riffs, but it doesn't last long. I think it's really the instrumental track to one of their songs. Why put that here? I first heard that Faith No More broke up in the accompanying booklet.

KYUSS: SHINE
This one was even more disappointing. It's also just an instrumental track, but it's longer. Also, I had not heard Kyuss before this album and because I did not care much for the band, I still have not picked up a Kyuss album, despite enjoying stoner doom and hearing that they were very good. Some day I will get over that, but yeah this compilation had that effect. Listening to it now, it's really an okay track, it just is not good enough to be a showcase for the band. Hard to belive Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age was in this band.

HELMET: STREET CRAB (LIVE)
Helmet isn't a band I have ever been a big fan of. Nothing against them, other than the fact that they had a big influence on the rise of nu-metal. They themselves are more of an alternative/metal band. They have heavy metal riffs, but not really the attitude. This is an okay track but I never got into the band.

FEAR FACTORY: NEW BREED (REMIX)
This is a remix of the Fear Factory track that can be found on the special edition of their Demanufacture album. I already owned that album at the time I got this. It's a good track, and that's all I really have to say about it because I already had it.

STANLEY: SPREADER
More hardcore. More yawns. NFM.

SKYSCRAPER: PLEASE DON'T HURT ME
This is again some sort of alternative rock with hardcore influences. I am not a big fan of this either. Next. NFM.

QUICKSAND: SHOVEL
What's with the hardcore bands on this thing? NFM.

NAPALM DEATH: GREED KILLINGS (DEMO)
This is another track that put me off checking out the band in any sort of real fashion. It's a demo track and it's just not very heavy. I mean, all the elements are there, except the distortion. So yeah, I did not check out Napalm Death further for several years after this album. It's a shame, I have a lot of catching up to do.

CHOCOLATE: SUGAR FREE PROMISE/MR. PEEPER/BULLY BARS/HOW AND WHEN/SERIOUS LOSS OF DOWN
Do we really need five songs from these guys? Hardcore shit. NFM.

Compilations: Trustkill Records (Before I Throw the Damn Thing Away)

I don't know why in the hell I decided to do this. Maybe it was my masochistic side showing through. Maybe I needed a challenge. Maybe I just wanted to rip into something. For whatever reason, I have decided to listen to my Trustkill Records compilation that I got attached to a recent In Flames album (or was it Bleeding Through?). This is a metalcore/hardcore label with only a couple of bands that are clearly more metal than core. I think I may have listened to it once before and it was so bad that it's been in storage for some time. Now I have dug it out for all of you people to enjoy. I'm not sure why I just didn't trash the damn thing.

BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE: "SUFFOCATING UNDER WORDS OF SORROW"
You see, here's one of my problems with metalcore. The stupid-ass song names. This doesn't even make sense. It's a frail attempt to be poetic and sensitive. Musically, this band sounds exactly like Avenged Sevenfold, which is to say really fucking bad. This band has been making a lot of noise lately which is terrifying. That's all we need is more watered-down bullshit. NFM.

THROWDOWN: "SPEAK THE TRUTH"
One of the few metal bands on this thing, Throwdown is a really poor Pantera clone with some Hatebreed thrown in. I like Pantera fine, but not many of their copycats. And I really dislike Hatebreed. I'll pass, thanks. Still, it's better than most of the crap on this thing.

HOPESFALL: "BREATHE FROM COMA"
I don't think I can make it through this thing. You go on without me. Apparently, my CD player hated it too and stopped suddenly in the middle of the song. Having been rejuvenated, I will move on to the next song. Oh, NFM, some post-hardcore/emo shit.

IT DIES TODAY: "FREAK GASOLINE FIGHT ACCIDENT"
This is another metal band with melodic death metal influences mixed in with some hardcore. This song sounds great, but maybe I'm just thinking that because of how bad the last track was. The clean vocals are a little overdone though, and the breakdown is pretty bad as well.

FIGHT PARIS: "100 PROOF WOMAN"
I can't even find this band on Wikipedia. Bad sign. This is really bad. My head hurts. NFM. Skip button please, I can't handle this.

ROSES ARE RED: "300 MOTION PICTURES"
AHHH! What the fuck is this?! NFM.

BEDLIGHT FOR BLUE EYES: "EPHEMERAL ADDICTIONS"
What the fuck kind of name is this? This is some sort of emo shit. I hate emo shit. Skip button. NFM.

MOST PRECIOUS BLOOD: "SHARK ETHIC"
Okay, this one starts out really cool, with one hell of a buildup, but then goes exactly nowhere with it. It's all eerie and powerful but then we just have a typical metalcore song. NFM. At least this song is listenable and I made it through more than a minute of it. The vocals are awful though.

OPEN HAND: "CROOKED CROWN"
My head hurts really badly right now. This is just pathetic. NFM.

TERROR: "KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT"
Okay, I can handle some tough-guy hardcore right now. This is much pretty than the crapfest that was the last song. This band sounds exactly like Hatebreed. NFM.

WALLS OF JERICHO: "THERE'S NO I IN FUCK YOU"
I wonder if Helloween can sue for defamation based on this horrible hardcore band naming themselves after one of their albums? I doubt it. Anyway, hardcore band + female vocalist = instant record deal, despite considerable lack of talent. NFM.

BLEEDING THROUGH: "SWEET VAMPIROUS"
Only the third band on this thing that I would classify as metal. Bleeding Through mixes black metal, melodic death metal, and some hardcore influences. They have a distinctive riffing style that is very heavy and is often accompanied by keyboard flourishes. They do have lots of breakdowns, but are generally not terrible. In fact, I like Bleeding Through okay. Not enough to go out and buy their albums all the time, but enough to be able to listen to them.

THIS IS HELL: "MOVING TARGETS"
Hardcore punk. NFM. Go the fuck away.

CRASH ROMEO: "DIAL M FOR MURDER"
BRAIN HURTS BRAIN HURTS BRAIN HURTS BRIAN HRSIT SAJKLNAKLFMWLAOKLNLANKFKNLKLNNVS

FIRST BLOOD: "NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, YOU'RE DEAD"
My doctor says I can no longer listen to this. In the trash it goes.

Soundtracks

This blog was influenced by this:
http://www.themetalinquisition.com/2010/04/metal-soundtrack-fail.html

I have thankfully rid myself of most of the soundtracks I have owned in the past. When I was younger, soundtracks were an additional way of getting music I would not have heard otherwise. I owned quite a few over the years. Now, I have gotten rid of all but two, neither of which I really listen to much anymore.

The first point I want to make is that just because I owned the soundtrack, does not mean I enjoyed the movie. Hell, I haven't even seen the movies for a couple of these, nor would I want to.

These are the soundtracks I have owned with some random notes about them:

BILL AND TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY
I have never seen the movie, or even the original movie and I never intend to. I believe I bought this thing because it was extremely cheap and it had some decent songs on it. Megadeth provided "Go to Hell" one of the better songs the band has released after pushing for a more mainstream sound. Faith No More and King's X both had very good songs. The rest range from listenable to "oh my fucking god why won't this end?!" Lots of glam bands on here, including the bad Slaughter, Winger, Kiss, and Love on Ice (who?). This really is terrible with the exception of the three songs listed earlier which are mercifully all on one side and only a Primus song comes between them.

THE MATRIX
I can't remember why I bothered to pick this up. There must have been a reason, but I can't think of one. Most of the songs I liked were all on other albums, such as Ministry, Rob Zombie, Monster Magnet, and Rage Against the Machine. Other than Ministry, there are no other metal songs. There's lots of techno, a genre of music I find irritating. I have no idea why I wasted the money on this. Thankfully I no longer own it. The movie was good though.

STRANGELAND
This movie was the brainchild of Twisted Sister's Dee Snider about a man obsessed with body art and inflicting it upon others, mostly young girls. I don't remember it being terrible, but it wasn't good either. The soundtrack had its moments: tracks from Megadeth, Anthrax, Pantera, Crisis, and Twisted Sister. This soundtrack was my first exposure to several nu-metal bands such as System of a Down, Sevendust, Bile, Soulfly, and Kid Rock (which song also featured Eminem before ANYONE knew who the hell he was). None of the songs really stood out much. The Megadeth song appeared on an earlier album and the Anthrax song was pretty good if I remember correctly.

SCREAM 3
Awful soundtrack. Tolerable movie. Not a single metal song on the entire thing, this soundtrack consisted entirely of nu-metal groups like Slipknot, System of a Down, Sevendust, Coal Chamber, Dope, Powerman 5000, and post-grunge groups like Creed, Staind, Fuel, and Finger Eleven. It also featured a group called Ear2000 which had David Arquette (the annoying actor) on vocals and some really horrible rapping. My brain hurts just thinking about it.

HEAVY METAL 2000
With a name like that you would expect a good soundtrack. You would be wrong, but you would expect it. This is an animated movie that I'm pretty sure I saw. It's all violence, boobs, and gore. But it's animated. Did I mention that? It's animated violence, boobs, and gore. The soundtrack featured such "luminaries" as Billy Idol, Monster Magnet, MDFMK (KMFDM backwards, get it?), Insane Clown Posse (to date the only song I have heard from this group), Puya, Sinisstar, and Coal Chamber. The only metal songs were from Pantera and Machine Head. Actually good songs from both bands though. Oh yeah, this movie was animated.

THE CROW: SALVATION
I don't remember seeing this movie either, but then all of The Crow movies were exactly the same. Near destitute man in love dies brutally as well as his lover then comes back to exact revenge. Did you know that one of the recent ones starred Ed Furlong who peaked as an actor when he was 11? This thing had two songs I liked on them: the Static-X track featuring Burton Bell of Fear Factory on vocals (it was a Ministry cover), and a song by Danzig. Not nearly good enough to keep it as the alternative rock and techno bullshit made up most of the rest of it.

DRACULA 2000
I'm pretty sure I never saw this. I've seen tons of bad vampire movies though, so anything's possible. As for the soundtrack, we have tracks from metal bands Slayer and Pantera. We also have a decent cover of the Berlin classic "Metro" by System of a Down. Then there's a whole lot of shit by groups like (hed) p.e., Taproot, Endo, Saliva, and Linkin Park. Yikes.
EDIT: I forgot to mention before the comment from Kelly reminded me, the Pantera track is awesome. It's easily one of the best later-era Pantera songs. Just a killer song.

THE CAVE
This came out at the same time as another cave-going horror movie The Descent. But, whereas The Descent was extremely creepy and downright frightening, The Cave really sucked. Probably an unfair comparison. This was the first and only movie soundtrack I got after nu-metal hit rock-bottom and metalcore took over. I didn't spend any money on this which is why it doesn't irritate me so much that I still have the damn thing. A friend of mine just gave it to me because it was too heavy for him. I say "meh". We have Nightwish (the ubiquitous "Nemo"), Killswitch Engage, Shadows Fall, Trivium, Lacuna Coil, Bleeding Through, Strapping Young Lad, It Dies Today, and Mastodon. We also have the ear-grindingly horrible Candiria, Diecast, and Atreyu to show that all is not right with the world.

The problem with soundtracks is that once you get past the one or two good tracks, there's a whole lot of bullshit.

Any soundtrack stories out there?

Ridiculously Unhelpful Amazon Listmania: The Next Nevermore

http://www.amazon.com/The-next-Nevermore/lm/RVE157UZQEOW8/ref=cm_lmt_srch_f_2_rsrsrs2

I don't want to do a whole huge post on this. I was just glancing at it and one band name stuck out: Sanctuary. Why did this name stick out? Sanctuary was a band from Seattle in the late 1980's/early 1990's. They released two studio albums and a live album and then broke up. Three of its members Warrel Dane, Jeff Loomis, and Jim Sheppard went on to form another band. Which they called Nevermore. Sanctuary became Nevermore. They can not become the next Nevermore, they ARE Nevermore.

Ridiculously Unhelpful Amazon Listmania Pt. 4: Black Metal Supergroups

http://www.amazon.com/Black-metal-supergroups-part-2/lm/RUDRXFH8ADBGD/ref=cm_lmt_srch_f_2_rsrsrs2

Ah, I finally figured out how to add a link here. Awesome.

Anyway, here we have another horrible Amazon list to deal with. This one is Black Metal Supergroups Pt. 2. I wonder what Part 1 was, since I can't find the damn thing. Oh well. Now this should be fairly simple. There are two elements that have to be met based on that title (the lawyer in me speaking). First, the bands have to play black metal. Second, the band has to be a supergroup, defined by Wikipedia as a group "whose performers are already famous from having performed individually or with other groups." Ah, so this should be fun. Unsurprisingly, very few of these bands meet these two relatively simple criteria. Let's have a look:

Dragonlord: Okay, we start things off well. This band meets both critera, playing a form of symphonic black metal and featuring members from Testament, Nevermore, and Sadus.

Lair of the Minotaur: And we immediately fall on our face here. Lair of the Minotaur is a doom/thrash metal band with virtually no black metal influences. Its members performed in other bands, but it's not like 7000 Dying Rats is famous. Pelican is a bit moreso, but not enough to qualify this as a supergroup.

Acid Bath: I feel very comfortablein stating that Acid Bath has nothing to do with black metal. It's also not a supergroup unless you stretch things really far to claim Golgotha and Dark Karnival are famous bands. I've never heard of either one, so no.

High on Fire: Again, not at all black metal. High on Fire does feature a former member of Sleep, but no one else in the band is particularly well-known. This is more of a next project after Sleep disbanded for one former member.

Type O Negative: This is just blatantly absurd. There's absolutely fucking nothing black metal about Type O at all. And again, Carnivore broke up and remaining members formed Type O, ergo not a supergroup.

Zao: I'm about to start banging my head on my desk. Not black metal, Christian hardcore. I have no idea if it meets the criteria of supergroup, not familiar enough with the band, since they're not even metal. NFM.

Sworn Enemy: Groove metal, not black metal. Also there's a note here that says the band is on this list because it formed from the ashes of Mindset, a band no one has heard of, and the singer for As I Lay Dying produced it, which has nothing to do with whether a band is a supergroup.

The Black Dahlia Murder: Melodic death metal, none of the members were famous prior to the band's formation. For anything. At all. Next.

Arcturus: This is only the second band that fits the criteria, that is if you stretch the definition of black metal. It does feature members of Ulver, Borknagar, Emperor, and Mayhem though, so I will let this one pass. But, I'm watching you Mr. Listmaker Guy.

Thou Art Lord: Wow, two in a row? It's a Hellenic black metal band featuring members of Rotting Christ, Necromantia, and Septicflesh.

War: Three? Holy shit. Swedish black metal band made up of members of Dark Funeral, Hypocrisy, and Abruptum.

Behemoth: And that breaks the streak. Behemoth is Nergal's baby, the other members may have been in other bands, but Nergal owns this and he was 15 when he started the band. I'm guessing here, but I doubt he was famous prior to that.

Sodom: This is hilarious. Sodom did influence black metal, but they themselves were thrash. There's another note here that says this band was a side project for Frank Blackfire and that's why it's here. To which I say no, no it was not. Sodom was around for years before Blackfire and they were around for years after Blackfire. Therefore, not a side project. Also Angelripper, the actual driving force behind the band was not famous before Sodom.

Orcustus: I suppose I will allow this. Black metal band formed by members of Gorgoroth and Emperor, and a couple other people I have not heard of but may have been with other bands.

Opeth: But this is inexcusable. Not black metal, progressive metal. Not a supergroup, no one did anything major before this band. You could have at least put Bloodbath, which featured Opeth's singer. Even though they're not black metal either.

Amon Amarth: No, does not fit either criteria.

Hellhammer: No, does not fit supergroup criteria. Influenced black metal, may be considered black metal in some circles. Later became Celtic Frost, not earlier though.

Leviathan: Is it possible for a one-man band to be a supergroup? No, no it is not possible.

DevilDriver: Groove metal, one former singer from Coal Chamber does not a supergroup make.

Strapping Young Lad: Devin Townsend's project does not have anything to do with black metal and he was the only permanent member.

Ulver: Black metal band, but not a supergroup as it was the original band for Garm. Borknagar would have worked here after singer Garm went to work with members of Gorgoroth, Immortal, and Enslaved to form that band.

Death: Not at all black metal. Chuck Schuldiner was the only permanent member, it was his baby.

Necrophagia: Death metal band. The only reason this is here is because of the presence of Anton Crowley (Phil Anselmo) and he was not a founding member, nor a long lasting one.

The Kovenant: Electronic black metal band which was an original band when formed, not a supergroup.

Mezzerschmitt: I can see this. Industrial black metal band from two members of Mayhem and one from Red Harvest.

Gorgoroth: Huh? How is Gorgoroth, one of the leading Norwegian black metal bands, a supergroup? Yes, they've had a ton of members, but that doesn't mean they were formed to be a supergroup.

Gehenna: Sanrabb, Dolgar, and Sir Vereda do not fit the definition of famous bands such that members of them forming Gehenna would lead to a classification of a supergroup.

Keep of Kalessin: None of these guys were previously famous or in famous bands or a supergroup.

Ragnarok: See Keep of Kalessin.

Watain: See Ragnarok.

Fimbulwinter: Shagrath of Dimmu Borgir was in this band. However, he was in it prior to Dimmu Borgir. So, no, not a supergroup.

Satyricon: See Watain.

Killswitch Engage: Hold off on the supergroup part for right now. The band clearly does not qualify, but are you actually saying that KSE is a black metal band? Really? Get your ears checked.

Soilent Green: Not black metal, and having one member from Acid Bath does not make it a supergroup either.

Vintersorg: This is the main band for both of these guys, neither of whom were famous prior.

Nattefrost: More of a side project/main band for the singer during and after Carpathian Forest. Not a supergroup.

Six out of thirty-six bands fit the criteria. Six. That's 16.67%. That's an F my friend.

CD Universe is Confused

So I checked my email today and noticed one from CD Universe, a website similar to Amazon that I have used in the past to pick up CDs. It was entitled New Heavy Metal Music. So, I checked it out. Not a bad bunch of albums, several of which I already had (Charred Walls of the Damned, Orphaned Land, Overkill), and one I have been looking for (Heathen). However, there's a few odd choices in there. Rob Zombie was the featured artist, and while he has not been metal for quite some time (or ever really since he left White Zombie), it's at least a somewhat understandable choice. No, there were two other choices that left me scratching my head. First, Santana. Now I kind of like Santana's blend of Latin music driven by 1960's guitar rock, but it's not metal. Not really even close. Then there was the other album: Nick Jonas and the Administration. Nick Jonas. Of the Jonas Brothers. The Disney Jonas Brothers. I hate you CD Universe. Fuck you. Fuck you to hell.

Ridiculously Unhelpful Amazon Listmania Pt. 1: The Next Zyklon?

As part of a new series, I want to make fun of people who put together Listmania lists on Amazon. Sometimes, these may be to point out the maker's favorite albums, in which case it's hard to argue. However, there exists another type of list. A. Stutheit "Teyad" is my go-to list-maker for when I want a laugh. He makes multiple lists every day and essentially just re-orders bands with a slightly different title each time.

http://www.amazon.com/The-next-Zyklon/lm/R22KDVTIDIVV9M/ref=cm_lmt_fvlm_f_4_rlrsrs0

Here we have: The Next Zyklon.

First of all, there is the question: why do we need another Zyklon? Is one Zyklon not enough? Seriously Zyklon is a decent-enough band, but they are hardly a classic band. They are merely there. I don't think there is anyone out there who considers Zyklon their favorite band. Asking for the next Zyklon is like asking for the next Gabe Kapler in baseball, or Kevin J. O'Connor in movies. Who? Exactly my point.

What do we know about Zyklon though? They're more of an industrial black metal band formed by members of other Norwegian black metal bands including Emperor.

So, who is the next Zyklon? Here's the list.
Infernaeon
Aeon: Swedish death metal band that has little to nothing in common with Zyklon
Ghamorean
Vehemence
Decapitated: Polish tech death metal with little to nothing in common with Zyklon
Lair of the Minotaur: I have no idea what this band is doing here, LotM is a doom/thrash metal band.
Job for a Cowboy: Deathcore band. My mind is blown.
God Dethroned
Goatwhore: Blackened thrash/death metal band
Dragon Lord: Symphonic black metal band
Hypocrisy: Has been around significantly longer than Zyklon, so huh?
Blood Red Throne
Akercocke: Again, been around longer than Zyklon
Lock Up
Bloodbath: Swedish death metal band
Ihsahn: One of the members of Zyklon's former bandmate in Emperor, so no
Order of Ennead
The Amenta: The only band close in sound to Zyklon, but still not that close
Slipknot: What the fuck?
Spawn of Possession
Hour of Penance
Shade Empire
Tristwood
The Black Dahlia Murder: really?
Suicide Silence: deathcore
Abigail Williams
Demiricous: Thrash/groove metal band
Withered
Lamb of God: The maker of this list puts LoG in his lists a lot. He seems to believe there's some black metal to this band which makes him potentially deaf.
Zao: I'm not sure what a Christian hardcore band has to do with a Norwegian industrial black metal band. I'd like to though.
Urshurak
Anaal Nathrakh: This one's reasonably close, but the bands have been around approximately the same amount of time.
Aborted
Mindgrinder
Nox: more of a classic death metal band
Craft
Gojira: WHAT?
Gorelord
Deathspell Omega: black metal, nothing more, nothing less
Daath

So there you have it. 40 bands that are not at all like Zyklon trying to be the next Zyklon, at least in this person's mind.