Against my better judgment, I picked up the new issue of Decibel magazine last night. I did it because I heard that one of the contributors over at Metal Inquisition was interviewed as part of the magazine's feature on slam death metal. Since I have developed an unhealthy (and probably ultimately short-lived) interest in the genre, I wanted to check it out.
The article itself was interesting. They interviewed some label heads, the aforementioned guy from Metal Inquisition, as well as some band members from bands like Short Bus Pile Up and Waking the Cadaver. Apparently some of the people in the bands take themselves and the genre way too seriously. One musician says that there are enough original bands out there keeping things interesting to keep going for a long time. Which brings to mind the question: who are these bands and why have I not heard them? Ultimately, slam isn't the most creative genre in the world. It's fun to listen to once in awhile when I am bored, want to listen to something that does not require thought, and want something brutal. I will probably continue to listen to those albums I own, but will not be clamoring for new ones any time soon.
More random thoughts about the magazine:
I suppose it shouldn't shock me that the magazine is all over ISIS's nuts. ISIS is a "metal" band for hipster jackasses who don't really like metal. But the level of fellating that Decibel gives to this band is annoying. Ugh, fuck this band. They look like douchebags too.
Apparently you can buy shoes with the Slayer logo on them. What a retarded idea.
Decibel is pretty proud of their early review of ISIS's debut EP. They reprinted it here. I don't give a fuck. They were all over the band then, and that has not changed.
The letter to the editor talked about problems with the printing industry and suggested Metal Maniacs folded because it was weaker than Decibel. I respectfully disagree. Fuck off, I would have preferred Decibel folding although I don't wish unemployment on anyone.
Hydra Head opened up a new retail vinyl outlet for hipster douchenozzles. Oh hey, one of the members of ISIS is an owner of Hydra Head. That explains a lot. Mostly, Decibel's interest and my heaving at anything with a Hydra Head logo on it.
Gorguts is getting back together. Are they playng straightahead death metal or overly technical stuff? The answer to that determines my interest level in the reunion.
Old Man's Child's new album cover looks awesome. I may be checking this out. Same with Warbringer.
They have the same dingus from Genghis Tron doing a travelogue. Sigh.
I'm pretty sure I saw that same exact picture of Millions somewhere with them underneath a bunch of bald lightbulbs. Apparently magazines don't have their own photographers anymore.
A full page ad for the new ISIS album. My god people, show a little restraint.
Success Will Write Apocalypse Across the Sky is the WORST band name ever, EVER.
There is not a single album I have even a passing interest in on the Hydra Head full page ad.
Propagandhi are way too smiley. There's no smiling in metal. I don't trust that. They look like frat guy douchebags. Oh, apparently they "cross the long bridge between pop-punk and thrash." That explains it. I guarantee the only thing wrong with that sentence is the word "thrash".
Hatebreed has a cover album. That'll sell about 10 copies. Mostly to singer Jamey Jasta's family. I only know one thing about Hatebreed: they suck. If it's possible, they are even more simple-minded than slam.
General Surgery are the worst surgeons I have ever seen. They are constantly completely covered in blood.
Who is Big Business and why do I care what they think of Heaven and Hell?
Chimaira wants so desperately to be Pantera it's pathetic.
Hey, an article on Believer. You did something right, Decibel.
Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth claims to enjoy metal. That's only because it's popular in the hipster douchebag community of which Sonic Youth is a part. He only likes really lo-fi black metal though, therefore he is definitely a poseur of the highest order. Fuck off. I'm sure there's someone out there who legitimately enjoys metal we can talk to. Hey, interview me Decibel, I'll tell you exactly what I think.
I don't own a single one of Seargent D's essential slam metal albums. That's unfortunate.
Nile's early stuff is awesome. Their new stuff is a little too samey, but good nonetheless.
Six pages of ISIS, including one whole page devoted to each member. Ugh, way too much ISIS. You're giving them friction burn. Time to let up.
They're really excited about Funeral Mist. My apathy is palpable.
They also really like Altar of Plagues and Amesouers. My hatred is boiling up within me.
Oh, Big Business is on Hydra Head, that explains so much. I now hate them.
Jungle Rot has a new album coming out. I'm there.
At least Candlemass and Leif Edling got good reviews.
Gay Witch Abortion, really?
They're not excited about Hatebreed's cover album either. Finally, something we agree on.
Lord Mantis is kind of scary. I take credit for their inclusion on Metal Archives.
The Lord Weird Slough Feg is releasing a collection of early recordings. They also have a new album out. I'll stick with the new album, thank you.
Oh, what a shocker, Decibel enjoys Nadja too. Hipsters.
Pestilence was MUCH better with Martin Van Drunen fronting them. I'll stick with the newly reformed Asphyx if you don't mind.
Hey, at least Seance got a good review. But so did Stinking Lizaveta, yuck. Tribulation, Warbringer, and Withershin also got good reviews, surprising.
We're already talking about the next Mastodon? Why?
There you have it. It would take quite a special issue for me to try this magazine again.
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