"At what point do you tell a love interest/potential mate/significant other of your metalness?"
This question has been posed on a couple of different metal blogs in recent days (MetalSucks and Invisible Oranges). I thought I would take a crack at it.
I have never been one to hide the fact that I am into heavy metal. I've never felt the need to do so and frankly I have never wanted to. In my dating history, I dated one girl who was heavily into classical music and was able to see that influence in metal. I dated one girl who was intrigued by the anger and aggressiveness of the music and became a fan.
And of course there is my fiancee (the most important of the three obviously), whose open-mindedness to the music has allowed her to see the good qualities of the music and not focus on the bad. My fiancee has often remarked that were it not for the vocals, she would probably like a lot more heavy metal. She has been able to truly enjoy some bands, such as Nightwish, Kamelot, Scorpions, Metallica, and Def Leppard, bands that are typically more melodic than others. My fiancee has had some unusual opinions of the music though, such as the fact that she greatly prefers death metal to thrash metal (she says it's the vocals). I have never felt the need to cover up any part of my music listening from her. She likes all kinds of music and can usually see some good in most metal.
There is another reason of course that I have never felt the need to shy away from announcing that I am a metalhead to members of the oppostie sex. Quite frankly if someone will not date me because I am a metalhead, then I don't want to date them either. It's quite simple.
Now for some odd moments:
The first time I went on a real date with my fiancee, we went to The Day After Tomorrow. In my car stereo was the band Tristania. I wonder if she remembers that.
I have been to two metal concerts with my fiancee: Trans-Siberian Orchestra (not completely metal, but still) and Opeth/Enslaved. She is willing to go to several others and even once tried to convince me she would go to Wacken with me, or Maryland Death Fest, or any others. I am truly lucky.
We have had discussions about having a metal song played at our reception. So far we have identified a couple of possibilities.
I went out on a blind date once with a girl who was related to my boss at the time. Nachtmystium was playing on my car stereo. Maybe that's why there was no second date. Eh.
I went to see Rob Zombie in concert with my girlfriend of that time.
So the answer to the ultimate question is: I reveal it early on, but it's more likely not a conversation topic that comes up. I don't view it as a big deal. If the question is asked, I answer it truthfully and make no bones about it. If she rejects me for it, it's her loss not mine.
Thankfully, I have found someone who doesn't mind the metal and is growing to enjoy some of it. I love you, honey.