Monday, December 7, 2009

Decade's Best Lists

Well since 2009 is almost over, a bunch of sites have been running their best albums of the decade lists. Earlier in the summer I ran one in conjunction with MetalSucks in which I disagreed vehemently with most of their picks, going so far as to question the metal-ness of most of their picks. That's because I'm an asshole and an elitist. So there. My #1 pick was the godly Destroyer 666: Cold Steel...For an Iron Age. So who can we make fun of today?

The Onion
Nothing says metal quite like The Onion. No sirree. For some reason The Onion started a metal blog last summer. It's actually not terrible, but kind of hard to stomach based on the rest of the content on the page. Their list wasn't ranked but here it is:

Agoraphobic Nosebleed: Frozen Corpse Stuffed With Dope
Amon Amarth: Twilight of the Thunder God
Anaal Nathrakh: The Codex Necro
Baroness: Blue Record
Blut Aus Nord: The Work Which Transforms God
Boris: Pink
Converge: Jane Doe
Deftones: White Pony
The Dillinger Escape Plan: Ire Works
Earthless: Rhythms from a Cosmic Sky
Electric Wizard: Dopethrone
Goatwhore: Carving Out the Eyes of God
Harvey Milk: Life...The Best Game in Town
High on Fire: Blessed Black Wings
Isis: Oceanic
The Mars Volta: Frances the Mute
Mastodon: Leviathan
Melechesh: Djinn
The Melvins: (A) Senile Animal
Meshuggah: Catch Thirty-Three
Opeth: Watershed
Orthrelm: OV
Pelican: The Fire in Our Throats Will Beckon the Thaw
Pig Destroyer: Phantom Limb
Queens of the Stone Age: Songs for the Deaf
Skeletonwitch: Breathing the Fire
Slayer: Christ Illusion
Sleep: Dopesmoker
The Sword: Age of Winters
System of a Down: Toxicity

Well, so there it is. I take it back, that's a pretty terrible list. There's a lot of hipsterish shit (Pelican, Isis), a whole lot of non-metal albums (Deftones, System of a Down, The Dillinger Escape Plan, The Fucking Mars Fucking Volta?), mainstream metal bands that seemingly everyone names (Amon Amarth, Opeth, Slayer, Meshuggah, Mastodon), and then the surprises (Melechesh, Sleep, Skeletonwitch, High on Fire, Electric Wizard). So there you have it: a waste of space. On the internet no less. It's not easy to actually waste space on the internet.

Noisecreep listed 10 albums. I'm not overly familiar with this particular blog, but I'll find something to bitch about anyway:

10. Nachtmystium: Assassins: Black Meddle Pt. 1
9. Mastodon: Crack the Skye
8. Between the Buried and Me: Colors
7. Lamb of God: As the Palaces Burn
6. Killswitch Engage: Alive or Just Breathing
5. Sleep: Dopesmoker
4. Isis: Oceanic
3. Opeth: Blackwater Park
2. Deftones: White Pony
1. Converge: Jane Doe

Ugh. Okay that one's even worse. Seriously? Converge? Deftones? What the fuck is it about the motherfucking Deftones that everyone likes? I owned the album once. Never understood why I bought it, hated it from the beginning and promptly got rid of it. But for some reason a bunch of metal writers are all over their nuts. It's disgusting. Everything else is typical for metal writers, no one has any originality.

As you may recall, I did a top 21. Here was my list:

21. Opeth: Blackwater Park
20. Into Eternity: The Scattering of Ashes
19. Scar Symmetry: Pitch Black Progress
18. Behemoth: Demigod
17. Amorphis: Silent Waters
16. Grand Magus: Iron Will
15, Ahab: The Call of the Wretched Sea
14. Skeletonwitch: Beyond the Permafrost
13. Thornafire: Exacerbated Gnostic Manifestation
12. Melechesh: Emissaries
11. Wintersun: Wintersun
10. Naglfar: Pariah
9. Insomnium: Above the Weeping World
8. Kamelot: The Black Halo
7. Rotting Christ: Theogonia
6. Symphony X: The Odyssey
5. Behemoth: Zos Kia Cultus
4. Amon Amarth: The Crusher
3. Swallow the Sun: The Morning Never Came
2. Immolation: Shadows in the Light
1. Destroyer 666: Cold Steel...For an Iron Age

Of course, my lists are impeccable so no one can argue against them. Take that.

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