Thursday, November 5, 2009

Ridiculously Unhelpful Amazon Listmania Pt. 2: Christian Metal/Hardcore

Yay for Amazon lists! This isn't technically a metal list, nor is it a Listmania list, but the effect is the same. I'm quoting this list mainly for the ridiculousness of it. Seriously, I won't comment much further (my comments will be in parentheses and bolded like this), this is actually what the list says. I have quoted the most entertaining sections.

"Okay, so i'm gonna go through a list of some of the greatest hardcore CDs in existence, none of which are satanic garbage like so many hardcore bands resort to (I don't know of many Satanic hardcore bands, do you?) in order to get attention. Most of this will be music that will make you need to break something, but in a few rare cases i'll put in something a bit more mellow, but only if it deserves it."

"Will you feel the urge to break down a door or wall? YES. Will you want to scream until your throat bleeds? YES."

"It will leave you screaming I AM HOLLYWOOD for days on end after listening to the last track. LEAVE MY DAUGHTER ALONE!! (I don't know what this means)"

"You'll feel an overbearing urge to knock on your neighbor's door and beat him in the face. (That's not very Christian, doesn't the Bible say 'love thy neighbor?')"

"After listening to it you'll run up to someone on the street and point in their face yelling YOU WILL PAY THE PRICE. CLOSE YOUR EYES AND DIE. (You seem to have emotional problems)"

"If you buy A-Types and not this you'll be taken to an asylum for attempting suicide. (I don't know about you, but not buying an album has never lead me to consider suicide)"

"But it's so much more than that. Trust me, you'll jump around like an idiot and break inexpensive things listening to this."

"Have fun trying to bust through a wall. (A little pent-up aggression maybe?)"

"A bit melodic at times, but so destructive at others you'll be pounding your younger siblings without realizing it."

"Have fun injuring yourself and others."

And they say death metal causes violence.

1 comment:

  1. ...You are right, this makes no sense. It's fun reading the words of a douche contradict himself. I don't think Hatebreed has any "Satanic" songs.....