Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Ridiculously Unhelpful Amazon Listmania Pt. 1: The Next Zyklon?

As part of a new series, I want to make fun of people who put together Listmania lists on Amazon. Sometimes, these may be to point out the maker's favorite albums, in which case it's hard to argue. However, there exists another type of list. A. Stutheit "Teyad" is my go-to list-maker for when I want a laugh. He makes multiple lists every day and essentially just re-orders bands with a slightly different title each time.


Here we have: The Next Zyklon.

First of all, there is the question: why do we need another Zyklon? Is one Zyklon not enough? Seriously Zyklon is a decent-enough band, but they are hardly a classic band. They are merely there. I don't think there is anyone out there who considers Zyklon their favorite band. Asking for the next Zyklon is like asking for the next Gabe Kapler in baseball, or Kevin J. O'Connor in movies. Who? Exactly my point.

What do we know about Zyklon though? They're more of an industrial black metal band formed by members of other Norwegian black metal bands including Emperor.

So, who is the next Zyklon? Here's the list.
Aeon: Swedish death metal band that has little to nothing in common with Zyklon
Decapitated: Polish tech death metal with little to nothing in common with Zyklon
Lair of the Minotaur: I have no idea what this band is doing here, LotM is a doom/thrash metal band.
Job for a Cowboy: Deathcore band. My mind is blown.
God Dethroned
Goatwhore: Blackened thrash/death metal band
Dragon Lord: Symphonic black metal band
Hypocrisy: Has been around significantly longer than Zyklon, so huh?
Blood Red Throne
Akercocke: Again, been around longer than Zyklon
Lock Up
Bloodbath: Swedish death metal band
Ihsahn: One of the members of Zyklon's former bandmate in Emperor, so no
Order of Ennead
The Amenta: The only band close in sound to Zyklon, but still not that close
Slipknot: What the fuck?
Spawn of Possession
Hour of Penance
Shade Empire
The Black Dahlia Murder: really?
Suicide Silence: deathcore
Abigail Williams
Demiricous: Thrash/groove metal band
Lamb of God: The maker of this list puts LoG in his lists a lot. He seems to believe there's some black metal to this band which makes him potentially deaf.
Zao: I'm not sure what a Christian hardcore band has to do with a Norwegian industrial black metal band. I'd like to though.
Anaal Nathrakh: This one's reasonably close, but the bands have been around approximately the same amount of time.
Nox: more of a classic death metal band
Gojira: WHAT?
Deathspell Omega: black metal, nothing more, nothing less

So there you have it. 40 bands that are not at all like Zyklon trying to be the next Zyklon, at least in this person's mind.

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