To make up for the fact that this will be my last post until I get back from vacation midweek next week, I have decided to satiate the sadists out there and torture myself by doing a compilation post on a Metal Edge CD. I received two issues of Metal Edge soon after subscribing to Metal Maniacs because they couldn't figure out that I actually subscribed to Metal Maniacs. I made two angry phone calls each time I received this magazine. For those unfamiliar with Metal Edge, it's a metal magazine for people who have never heard that there is music out there other than the shit they show on MTV. So there you go.
OVERKILL: "SKULL AND BONES"
Okay this is a good start. I love Overkill, but I get the feeling that the only reason this song is here is because of the guest vocalist, Randy Blythe of Lamb of God. Overkill does not really fit for this magazine, but Lamb of God certainly does. Anyway, I have this album so I don't feel the need to comment further.
12 STONES: "ADRENALINE"
The only thing I knew about this band before hearing this was that the singer was the male growler on that Evanescence song. After hearing this, I long for better days. NFM, Nickelback wannabe, but they're Christian. The only thing that makes Nickelback redeemable at all is the dirty songs. I'm guessing 12 Stones doesn't even do that.
DETHKLOK: "BLOODROCUTED"
You can tell you're in for a bumpy ride when one of the best songs on the album is by Dethklok. I am not saying anything negative about it, it's just weird. I actually really like the vocals, especially the rhythms. It's competent, but nothing mind-blowing.
BLACKLIST UNION: "AFTER THE MOURNING"
There's been a minor retro-glam movement in recent years. This band is an example. The retro-glam movement is terrible. Thereby the transitive property, this band is terrible. Take that, logic. NFM.
H.I.M.: "KISS OF DAWN"
Lame, lovesick gothic rock for vapid Hot Topic girls. No thanks. NFM.
SCUM OF THE EARTH: "BOMBSHELL FROM HELL"
Rob Zombie's onetime guitarist formed his own band and named it after a Rob Zombie song. Sounds basically like watered-down Zombie too. No thanks. NFM.
LIZZY BORDEN:"APPOINTMENT WITH DEATH"
I've never been a fan of Lizzy Borden, but neither have I really minded them. They're pretty over-the-top glam metal, but it's not bad, and it's certainly better than most of the rest of the bullshit on this thing. Essentially, this is Twisted Sister playing speed metal with some Nitro thrown in. The vocals get a little annoying.
BOBAFLEX:"THAT OLE SPEED"
If Boba Fett raped a SoloFlex and it had a child? What does the name mean? More importantly, what the hell is this terrible music? It's a retro nu-metal band of all things. The world is coming to an end. NFM.
STILL REMAINS: "STAY CAPTIVE"
Semi-competent metalcore band. This is an okay song, and sounds great next to the rest of the crap on here. The vocals are obnoxious and this is certainly nothing I haven't heard a thousand times before by better bands, but it's still better than that Bobaflex bullshit.
WITCHCRAFT: "IF CRIMSON WAS YOUR COLOUR"
Doom metal in the vein of early Pentagram. This is some good shit. Wow, I'm surprised I found a band to check out in this mess. This is old school stuff, very melodic and they even got the organ sound right. Wow.
OF HEARTS AND SHADOWS: "SLEEPLESS UNDER THE CITY"
Ugh, emo-sounding shit. Raping my ears. NFM.
HEMLOCK: "MY EYES ITCH"
Try pouring salt in them. This actually is not too bad. They're more of a groove metal band in the vein of Machine Head or Pantera. It's not at all original but it's not a total travesty either.
N3V3R 3NOU6H: "70 7H3 8O77OM"
Seriously? What the fuck is this shit, write like a normal person you text-message-obsessed, pointy-headed fuckface. The music is just as awful, possibly pre-dating the screamo crunk cancer that swept over the U.S. recently. Awful stuff, seriously.
OH THE HORROR: "HOW TO FUCK A MODEL"
Something these guys will never do. This is basically just a hardcore band with some very minor metal influences, and it fucking sucks. NFM.
That's it kids, see you in a week.
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