Saturday, March 7, 2009

Dear OC Music Awards

Dear OC Music Awards:

First of all, what the fuck? I had to look this "award ceremony" up because I have never heard of it before. I can just imagine an award show happening in the richest part of the neighborhood with a thousand identical douchebags showing up, the only difference being the slightly different angle their fucking hair is pointed. Apparently your goal is to promote exposure and recognition to artists in Orange County. I have news for you, we don't fucking care. Artists from Orange County get plenty of exposure from MTV and the like. While you are trying to promote these fuckwads, the rest of us are trying to avert our eyes and ears to avoid this horrible, contemptible bullshit. Artists from this area are some of the most vapid, vile pieces of shit to ever congeal in a gutter somewhere.

Let's just get this shit out of the way. You have a Best Metal category apparently. I was scared to look at this, because I had a pretty good idea where you were going with it. Still though, I am a glutton for punishment. Here it goes:

Best Metal:
Atreyu: Oh my fucking god, I knew it. Atreyu is like the retarded step brother to Avenged Sevenfold and bears little to no resemblance to metal in the slightest. Far more emo than metal, apparently the OC Music Awards believe that anything involving guitars and screaming is metal. Which brings us to:
Avenged Sevenfold: Fuck. I pretty much outlined my feelings toward this shit earlier in a post. I will only say this: Fuck A7X.
Bleeding Through: Okay, I can tolerate Bleeding Through and they are actually a metal band, so they better damn well win this, or I will never trust the OC Music Awards again. On second thought, I think I would prefer they not win, so I can make fun of this shit again.
Death By Stereo: Never heard of them, very bad sign. Apparently they're a punk band upon googling them. Apparently the OC Music Awards have never heard of metal.
Motor Gun Hotel: Same situation. Checked their Myspace. They list themselves as rock/grunge/psychedelic. I am hearing some unholy conglomeration of Nirvana, Nickelback, and The Doors. Assumption that the OC Music Awards have never heard of metal is confirmed. Plus they look like jackasses.

Upon looking at this list, I am struck by the utter stupidity in failing to have your award nominees match your message. Atreyu, Avenged Sevenfold, and Bleeding Through are already well-known bands who have toured the world with some huge acts. Way to drop the ball on your own awards show.

In closing, fuck you. I look forward to you fucking up again in the future.


P.S. In 2008 you gave this award to Sacred Storm, a thrash metal band who does not have much exposure, although they do still look like douchebags. I cannot conceive of how you got it right one year and failed so horribly the next.

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