Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Other 522 Albums from Metalsucks

I was hoping that Metalsucks would do this: they released a list of every album that received votes. Looking through this list makes me wonder just what the fucking hell is wrong with some people. Let's see some of the highlights:

Isis, Oceanic – 98 POINTS: I suppose Isis is frequently considered metal, I'm not sure I agree, but at least they are closer than some of this shit. I feel like the rest of the world is crazy, like I'm in the Twilight Zone, because I rarely hear negative things about this band in the metal community. Is it me? Or is everyone else just fucking dumb?

The Dillinger Escape Plan, Miss Machine – 79 POINTS: See Isis. I don't understand what anyone sees in this band. They are just noisy, they are technical, but they couldn't write a memorable song to save their lives. NOT FUCKING METAL.

Celtic Frost, Monotheist – 72 POINTS: The swan song from this great, pioneering band. This is a vastly underrated album. It's good to see it get a little love. Truly one of the heaviest, most frightening albums I have ever heard.

Glassjaw, Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Silence – 60 POINTS: Oh yeah, here we go. This band FUCKING SUCKS! And, to make matters worse, they helped usher in the current emo scene. What the fucking hell? NOT FUCKING METAL.

Dillinger Escape Plan, Ire Works – 56 POINTS: NOT FUCKING METAL. What the fuck do you not understand?

Slipknot, Iowa – 51 POINTS: NOT FUCKING METAL. My god.

Down, Down III – 46 POINTS: Great album by a great band. This deserved some merit. I would have had it, but it pales in comparison to their first album, which is just amazing.

Nile, Annihilation of the Wicked – 42 POINTS: Nile is a tough band to choose albums from. They are just so consistent that picking their best is almost impossible. This might have been my choice.

Thrice, Artist in the Ambulance – 38 POINTS: Are you fucking kidding me? NOT FUCKING METAL.

The Mars Volta, Deloused in the Comatorium – 37 POINTS: My god, do people not know what metal is? How does this fucking band get here? What the fucking hell? NOT FUCKING METAL.

Enslaved, Below the Lights – 34 POINTS: Okay, I'm okay. I'm breathing. This album contains Enslaved's best song.

The Crown, Crowned In Terror/Crowned Unholy - 31 POINTS: This is a great, often overlooked band. They are one of the great bands from the Swedish thrash scene. I'm surprised to see them here.

Avenged Sevenfold, Sounding the Seven Trumpets – 29 POINTS: I hate, Hate, HAte, HATe, HATE this fucking band! NOT FUCKING METAL.

Glassjaw, Worship & Tribute – 28 POINTS: Seriously? Did you not fucking learn up there? NOT FUCKING METAL.

Symphony X, The Odyssey – 28 POINTS: Hey it's an album from my list.

High on Fire, Death is this Communion – 24 POINTS: Very good album from an up and coming band. Doom and thrash thrown into a blender.

At the Drive-In, Relationship of Command – 22 POINTS: NOT FUCKING METAL. The precursor to The Mars Volta.

Andrew W.K., I Get Wet - 21 POINTS: Seriously? This is incomprehensible. It blows my mind. My mind is blown. NOT FUCKING METAL. NOT EVEN FUCKING CLOSE. MY GOD I AM SERIOUS, I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND.

Behemoth, The Apostasy – 21 POINTS Behemoth, Demigod – 21 POINTS Behemoth, Zos Kia Cultus – 21 POINTS: Huh. Poor Behemoth. Great band, Zos Kia Cultus made my list.

Muse, Absolution – 21 POINTS: That smacking sound you just heard was me pounding my head into the wall. What do people not understand about "TOP METAL" albums? NOT FUCKING METAL.

Sunn O))), Flight of the Behemoth – 21 POINTS: I hate this band more than any other metal band, ever, EVER.

Thrice, The Alchemy Index Vol 1 – 21 POINTS: Really? NOT FUCKING METAL.

Swallow the Sun, The Morning Never Came – 18 POINTS: Hey, this made my list!

Rotting Christ, Theogonia – 18 POINTS: So did this!

The Darkness, Permission to Land – 17 POINTS: Where's my gun? NOT FUCKING METAL.

Coffins, Buried Death – 17 POINTS: This is way out of left field. Great death doom band frm Japan.

Insomnium, Above the Weeping World – 17 POINTS: Another one that made my list.

Grand Magus, Iron Will – 17 POINTS: Again.

Amon Amarth, With Oden on Our Side – 16 POINTS: Like Nile, just too hard to decide between the albums. I did not choose this one, but definitely considered it.

Bolt Thrower, Those Once Loyal – 16 POINTS: This barely missed my list.

Thrice, Vheissu – 15 POINTS: NOT FUCKING METAL. Again? Really?

Avenged Sevenfold, Waking the Fallen – 13 POINTS: WHAT THE FUCK?! NOT FUCKING METAL.

Melechesh, Emissaries – 13 POINTS: Great album, made my list.

Underoath, Lost in the Sound of Separation – 13 POINTS Underoath, The Changing of Times – 13 POINTS: EEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOO!

Goatwhore, The Eclipse of Ages into Black – 12 POINTS: Woo hoo! Goatwhore!

Diabolical Masquerade, Death’s Design - 11 POINTS: Such a bizarre album. The soundtrack to a movie that never came to fruition. Weird album, but entertaining.

Naglfar, Pariah – 11 POINTS: This made my list.

Akercocke, Words That Go Unspoken… – 10 POINTS: These guys are so weird, they're hilarious. The band plays blackened death metal, while wearing 19th Century English suits. You read that right.

Cold, 13 Ways to Bleed Onstage – 10 POINTS: NOT FUCKING METAL, although I used to love this album. Even saw the band live.

Horrorpops, Bring it On – 8 POINTS: WHO?! I haven't even fucking heard of this band. Just guessing: NOT FUCKING METAL.

Lacuna Coil, Karmacode – 7 POINTS: Terrible album by a formerly good band. Still, Cristina Scabbia is hot.

Horrorpops, Hell Yeah – 6 POINTS: Really? NOT FUCKING METAL.

iwrestledabearonce, It’s All Happening – 4 POINTS: First of all, NOT FUCKING METAL. Secondly, it wasn't even out when the people were voting. What the fuck, and it fucking sucks.

Opeth, Still Life – 3 POINTS: Okay, this is my favorite Opeth album, but it was released in 1999, not qualified.

Okay, that was fun. Now I'm done for a little while with this crap.

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